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| Mr. C. This message was updated on 12/15/2006 12:45:55 PM by Mr. C. | So you doubt? posted on: 12/15/2006 11:37:00 AM As the season gets a tad busier for me and the questions of doubt as to my Gorean nature have hit the email, I suppose now is as good a time as any to shed some light on a few things. "In the most famous story about his life, he threw bags of gold through the windows of three girls about to be forced into lives of prostitution." One story tells of a poor man with three daughters. Without a dowry, a woman was unlikely to marry. This poor man's daughters, without dowries, were therefore destined to be sold into slavery. Mysteriously, on three different occasions, a bag of gold appeared in their home providing the needed dowries. The bags of gold, tossed through an open window, are said to have landed in stockings or shoes left before the fire to dry." (Google "st. nick" for more) (Pay attention to the num 3, will cover it more later) As kind as history has been to me, the real version has been clouded over by time and a bit of disinformation to hide our other activities. However as you can see from the above, I was buying girls long before Norman penned his first book. I am sure that he was not using the above as an example when Rask of Treve dropped in by tarn, tossing a bag of gold in payment for the girl, right? Get real.... I will add that many of my youthful exploits found their way to the media over the years and my inspirational contributions have occasionally come to the surface. And Norman is not the only one who has copied from my exploits. Look at Roddenberry; I was doing the "finger to nose" thing long before he thought of "Beam me up, Scotty". First off, we actually do deliver toys to children on Christmas Eve. It allows for a bit of reconnaissance, and has allowed us to establish generations of believers. Even GW would not try and invade the North Pole for fear of reprisal from all the children. Remember that movie Miracle on 34th St? Not a bad deterrent, eh? And you think Mrs. C, assuming there is one or only one, has managed to remain without child all these years without slave wine? Been using it long before the "pill" was developed and there are no side effects. And why do most pictures of her have her in a blouse with a high neck? Perhaps hiding a collar? Have you not ever noticed in advertising thru the season, most companies either use an image of me or some sexy little number in a red hat, blonde, brunette or redhead. (Num 3 again) How do you think we survive up here? How do you think I can afford all those elves? The royalties from lingerie shops? Even though the top selling item is that "Sexy Santa’s Helper" number, those "fur lined cuffs", and the spin-off "French Maid", those profits only defray overall operating costs and keeping the reindeer. I just don’t sit on my ass for the 364 other days even though the toy business has again began showing a profit once we started selling on eBay. OK, so we are doing well with the profits from Viagra. I know you might doubt our involvement in it, but if I can get reindeer to rise in the sky, how many Christmas wishes might I have filled with that little miracle? Have you not noticed how many centuries I have lived? Think the serums had anything to do with that? And using the same reindeer without replacing them? Come on, wake up here, gave them a shot of the serum cause they are well trained and you never want to split up a good team and we have been doing this long before airplanes yanno. To help with the cash flow, we subcontract them out to various weather gathering centers because they found by strapping the instruments to reindeer in flight, provides for a cleaner way to gather data without engine exhaust emissions and not to mention the top secret flights with cameras attached for the CIA. You have never heard of one of them being shot down, now have you? Agile little devils they are without the sleigh and I am not at liberty to discuss their "stealth" capabilities. And NO, it was not a sleigh that crashed in Roswell after doing high altitude tests with elves on board. Damn Tooth Fairy started that rumor. Ok, now a bit of truth for Norman’s sake. Ships of acquisitions? Ever see one? Sure media moguls have prospered from showing the various configurations of the sleigh, but its only coincidence right that it is always shown with "silver" accent. Do you not see the similarities between "sleigh bells" and "slave bells"? Let alone the "putting slaves in sacks and for a tarn flight" which he penned. I mean come on; I have been doing that number for centuries. You really think I leave empty handed every time with that great big sack at my disposal and an un-encumbered getaway? Gorean men pay well for earth girls and I have a lot of mouths to feed. It isn’t just reindeer we keep in the pens at the North Pole. I can hear it now, "Oh yea right, Santa, a Gorean Slaver, never heard that yarn before". Well smarty-pants, you think it’s been easy to train all the women on earth to present themselves so that a Master might enjoy a slave’s kiss? Who do you think thought up the mistletoe number and what happens when they stand below it? What better way to see who is eager and ready for the collar, eh? Ever smell "real" mistletoe, not that plastic stuff you get at Wal-Mart, which is easily replaced with a tad bit of slight at hand, and remember the "capture scent"? A lot of R & D went into that and it took us decades to perfect, and I only got caught that once. Dang kid was scarred for life and he even wrote a song about it. (I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus). Even Sasquatch can't boast of that clean of a record, they got him on film a few times. Now onward to the finale, the tie in with the number three. What is the one saying that has survived the centuries, attributed to me. "Ho Ho Ho" right? If the afore mentioned legend (the buying of the three girls) is actually true, and in each there is always a certain measure of truth, then you think I wanted people referring to me as "Nicky and the three slave Hoes"? (Euboniclly speaking, hoe=whore) So with that little explanation, imagine what is actually meant coming from a man with an abundance of little slave girls in the pens when he says, " And to all a GOOD night"... Have a good Christmas All. |
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Tryp
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So you doubt?
replied on: 12/15/2006 11:51:11 AM OMG..now I understand everything. LMAOOOOOOOOO ..priceless |
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-.Sativa.-
*La Sarcastica* |
So you doubt?
replied on: 12/15/2006 11:56:58 AM that was one of the most entertaining posts i have read in a long while. i think everyone will have to agree that Santa is a Gorean. chimney sweeps will be busy cleaning out the chimneys of FW everywhere, in anticipation of your arrival. *leaves out a bottle of Geritol and a small bowl of Viagra for Santa, to keep him going thru the night* |
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LadyAngelWings
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So you doubt?
replied on: 12/15/2006 12:09:36 PM LMAO |
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