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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 10/23/2007 10:11:28 AM When all you have is fantasy, you have nothing left. |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 10/25/2007 12:35:01 PM Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it? Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands. Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters". Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds. |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 10/25/2007 4:35:53 PM If you laughed at the jokes, great, if not, great. I shared some jokes I thought others might enjoy. To those who read them, I hope you laughed as hard as I did, shook your head at the others, and had a thought or two about a few. Thanks for letting me share the laughter. ^G^ PS: Yes, that was the last one. |
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tharae
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Joke of the day
replied on: 10/27/2007 1:45:20 AM i am sorry to see the end of this, it has given me lots of laughs, thank you |
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-.Sativa.-
*La Sarcastica* Quote | Reply | |
Joke of the day
replied on: 10/29/2007 6:32:10 PM Gryff, what a shame thatwas the last one. Ive thoroughly enjoyed them, and passed them on to friends. thank you |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 11/1/2007 2:30:24 PM I said that was the last one, but I have to share this one with you. There was this little boy about 12 years old walking own the street Dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came to a house of ill repute, and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he Wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, what the hell, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He said, "I Heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love With Balinda. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the Money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the Right. He headed down the hall, dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, And headed out the door. The Madam sto pped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the Place with a disease, instead of one of the others? "He said, "Well, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a Restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she's Very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just Caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the Way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed And have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, Have a quickie with Mom, and catch the disease, and HE'S the Son-of-a-bitch that ran over my frog. Thanks, ^G^ |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 11/27/2007 2:58:59 PM An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'? The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'? 'Very Well,' said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: 'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.' This might be the last one, but you never know, enjoy. |
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Jaaka Giha
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Joke of the day
replied on: 11/27/2007 9:03:57 PM LMAOOOOOO i like that one |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 11/29/2007 5:16:00 PM The Lone Ranger is captured by Indians... The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone." The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time . . . “BRING POSSEEEE". |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 12/3/2007 9:36:22 AM The Problem with Outsourcing I Was depressed last night so I called Lifeline, a Suicide Hotline. Got a call center in Pakistan. Told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane. |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 12/3/2007 10:04:00 AM A crusty old Marine Sargeant Major found himself at a gala event Hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in Attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is Something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at His Awards and Decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of Action. " Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this The wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking Everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and Led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several Times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest And said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now." |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 12/6/2007 9:28:40 AM Haunting Questions ~Can you cry under water?~ ~How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?~ ~Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?~ ~Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?~ ~Why does a round pizza come in a square box?~ ~What disease did cured ham actually have?~ ~How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?~ ~Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?~ ~If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?~ ~Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?~ ~Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?~ ~Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.~ ~Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?~ ~Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?~ ~If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?~ ~Can a hearse carrying **a corpse drive in the car-pool lane?~ ~If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?~ ~Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!~ ~If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?~ ~If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?~ ~If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?~ ~Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?~ ~Why did you just try singing the two songs above?~ ~Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?~ ~Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?~ |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 12/6/2007 11:50:07 AM At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?' 'Good question', noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.' 'Oh', replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?' 'Ah, yes', replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits.' 'I see', replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi', he went on, 'What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?' 'Here, too, we do not waste', answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.' |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 12/6/2007 11:54:35 AM Written across the wall of the cave were symbols. It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them." Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews. The audience applauded enthusiastically. Then a little old Jewish man named Marty stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left...... It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick |
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Gryff
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Joke of the day
replied on: 12/6/2007 11:55:26 AM A crusty old biker with bugs in his teeth, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50 HAND JOB: $40.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers. 'Yes?' she inquires with a knowing smile, 'Can I help you?' 'I was wondering,' whispers the old biker, 'are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?' 'Yes,' she purrs, 'I am.' The old biker replies, 'Well wash your hands; I want a cheeseburger.' |
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