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I was filling up with petrol this morning and as I went into the minimart to pay, I happened to glance at the Daily Mail, the front cover of which has a large colour photo of the great man. However, there was something not quite right about the photo, my initial reaction being that there had been a printing error as he appeared to be smeared all over in brown ink. Doing a double take revealed the wonderful truth. Hello, I thought, hello, someone's covered Kilroy in something unpleasant.

I was therefore delighted, upon turning to pages 10 and 11, to find out it was absolutely true. He'd been attacked by an irate member of the public, who'd tipped a load of shit all over him. And it wasn't just a cupful mind, but a proper 2 gallon black bucket of foul smelling liquid shite. It seems a brawl ensued and punches were traded.

Some of the diarrhoea also went on Ruth Kelly, the Cabinet Office Minister with whom Kilroy was sharing a ministerial car and that can only be a good thing too. Seeing Two Jags Prescott being hit in the face with an egg and the subsequent ministerial thuggery was funny enough, but this lot had me creased double in laughter. I hope they show it on the telly later. I tell you Charlie Carolli's got nothing on this little lot.

I don't know the name of our mystery assailent, but he deserves a medal if you ask me. Hats off mate, you're a star!

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