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It never seems to be enough does it? I know it has to mean something. I know everything happens for a reason. But why did it have to happen again? Why do people do the things they do?

I know that asking my datapad deep questions that can't easily be answered isn't one of the smarter things I've done, but who else do I turn to? I was born into a beautiful world by two wonderful musicians. Both struggling. And both unsure of the future. My mother's life was very hard and led her into a very deep state of denial. My father didn't know what to do to help and he didn't want to. My mother found all of her friends leaving her side and when I was four, my parents separated. My dad traveled from planet learning from whoever would teach him. He still writes sometimes, but I've come to expect nothing from him ever again. Now that I'm alone my mother looks to me to solve her problems. And I can't. And because of it she blames me instead. I met someone in an alley walking home the other day and he sold me a fake identification. Instead of using it to buy things that might make life easier, I find myself wandering around the city, from one cantina to another, losing my life at the bottom of a glass. I never look at anything but my feet when I walk. I run into guys that no one would want to get within three blocks of and get in more trouble than one person should ever be in. They told me tonight was a wake-up call. And it's not one that I wanted to get. They murdered my best friend.

Mom, if you're read this. I will always love you. Please know that I am doing this to protect you.

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Little Jaero,

I'm so sorry that I could not be there to see you grow up. Please believe that I wish more than anything that I could have been there for you. But I had to follow my own path. I write this letter to you now because I want to help you find yours. I am on Dathomir training in the ancient ways of the Scouts. Last night I had a vision. The High Shaman came to me and said, "I know your son." I want you to know that when you are able to, I want you to come see me here as soon as possible. You will do great things, my son. Great things. Please give my love to your mother.

I love you. I'm proud that you are my son.

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It was dusk and there was an electricity in the air. The kind where you know any second, it's going to rain. I was on the way home from a bar I'd hit after work and I found my front door lock smashed and the door cracked. I opened the door and stood there in shock for a minute trying to rationalize what I saw. Amazingly the outer walls were still intact, but the only thing that remained inside were the support beams and rubble. I found fragments of a concussion grenade among the various pieces of what used to be furniture and transparisteel windows. I waded through the sea of destroyed appliances to find Mom lying face down on the kitchen floor, barely breathing. I stood over her for a few minutes while memories of our past ran through my mind. It shouldn't end this way for her. Then something in my mind clicked - where was Aurian?! I ran upstairs and was amazed to find it in virtually untouched. There was no sign of Aurian.

My body went half-numb as I walked slowly through my house. I snapped out of it for a few moments only to call a medic, but I had to find Aurian. He would not just leave. I guess it was my fault for going to that bar. He hates them and never goes with me. I walked outside and stared aimlessly, still amazed at what had just happened. I started to retrace my steps back to the bar when I hit a very odd set of tracks. They looked like those of a Tusk Cat but the feet were splayed in odd ways and it looked as if the animal had been dragged. All of the sudden it started to pour, making the tracks extremely hard for the untrained eye to follow. I walked in the direction that the struggling tracks were going for about a mile when I finally saw it... a small puddle of blood. Just a few drops, and then a few more a few feet further down the path. A chill ran down my spine and I took off running as fast as I could. They took Aurian!

The sky rumbled and thundered as I ran. Lightning flashed in the clouds above and in the distance and illuminated four big silhouettes. As I got closer I could make out a fifth. It was a lot smaller than the others. It was backed into a corner trying to defend itself from the other four. When I got within shouting distance, one of them spotted me and pulled out a blaster. He shot the fifth shape in the corner. The big four turned toward me and glared. I couldn't make them out through the tears and rain. My thoughts were clouded by anger and I could barely hear through it. One of them yelled, "You should do what you're told next time, Jaero!" Now I knew it was Aurian. By the time he pulled out his blaster, it was too late.

I don't remember what happened or what I had done, but when my thoughts cleared, I found three of the four men lying around me. I was holding one of them in my lap, his neck snapped almost in two. The other two were in no better condition. The biggest of the three had a bloody footprint from my boot on his crushed throat and the other's ribs were smashed into his lungs. The fourth must have escaped.

I didn't know that I was capable of something so terrible. I pushed the one with the broken neck off of me and stared at my bloody hands. After a while, I stood up. My head was reeling and there was a lump in my throat the size of one of these men. I couldn't move, I was so disgusted. All I managed to do was vomit from the horror. What had I done?

A soft cry from Aurian echoed in my head as he used his last trace of strength to limp over to me and lie down on my lap. He breathed his last few breaths before the last shred of happiness I'd ever known left me forever. I had nothing left. I wanted to die.

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