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| theglenn Quote | Reply | This message was updated on 3/6/2006 4:02:01 PM by fobe | Sci-fi scene I wrote posted on: 3/5/2006 2:07:34 AM Captain Mark Petra surveyed the interior of the AAC (Atmosphere Assault Carrier) eyeing his marine platoon as they settled in. Lining the bulkhead in their camelian armour seeming to blend into ash grey walls and centre facing shock frames as the gentle white glow reflected from helmet visors. Petra’s ear bug chimed, followed by the gravely voice of Master Sergeant Michaels ‘Captain the last of the guys are locked in with weapons secured, sir’ The Master Sergeant was a man of average height, 5'11 to be precise. With dusky black skin, wide set brown eyes a short crop of black hair and a crooked nose that seems to have been broken more times than hands have fingers, all on the massive frame of a heavy worlder. ‘Excellent Michaels, now get yourself locked in’ the master sergeant gave a grunt in reply. Petra murmured in his helm for a new comm. The channel changing to Lt. Cleary in the pilot’s compartment situated in the forward section of the AAC. Informing the Lieutenant the marines were ready to depart ‘aye sir’ Lt. Cleary replied ‘clearing with shuttle bay master now’ a moments later ‘cleared! Where right to roll, sir’. Smiling wryly at the old earth saying as the forward loading ramp partially withdrew into the door, swung up sealing the troop compartment with a hiss of air. Mark called up a video feed on his visor from a camera on the outer skin of the AAC giving a view of the brightly lit shuttle bay. To the front of the shuttle was the outside facing wall painted a sterile white with a lengthwise shelf at waist height cluttered with repair and maintenance equipment, peeking out from beneath the mess were two holocomps attended by seated techs. Swivelling the camera around he got a veiw of the second AAC of the frigates complement. He thought it looked nothing so much as the rear half of a turtle shell, narrowing to a blunt pointed cockpit, ending at the inward curve were vertically folded wings protruding from the side of the fuselage. Extending from under the cockpit and leading into hull was the loading ramp with shuttle techs swarming in and out preparing it for flight in case of need of a quick evac from the operations area. On the ceiling sprawled a tracked network giving crane access to the entire bay, as he watched Mark saw the shuttle crane approach the AAC coming to a halt directly above, lowering to make contact with the positively charged magnetic pad. A shudder ran throughout the shuttle as they were lifted and hauled toward the bluely lit mag launch tube. A background hum had begun in Marks ear bug as marines began talking more and with greater volume. Ignoring the camera feed to focus his attention back on his marines Perta watched them going through their pre-battle rituals burning of nervous energy. Petra heard Corporal Stanza saying to one Private Samson ‘It must’ve taken a lot of rescourses for Earth Fed Spec Ops to get Federation weapons smuggled through planetary security to arm these crazies with so much ordinance’. ‘Hell yeah' Samson rumbled in his basso voice 'Rassam III’s security has been tight as a fishes ass ever since we occupied it six months ago’. letting his attention drift down the line of shock-frames he heard a few envious sighs as Pvt. Tanaka promptly went to sleep, Mark himslef could think of few things he wouldn't trade to be able to will himself to sleep like that. Moving his gaze along the opposing line of shock-frames he saw Sgt. Harrison put some gum in her mouth and started mechanically chewing away, seated to her left, cherubic features half visible behind his visor Pvt. Peter's remarked ' hey sarge, I swear you've biceps in your jaws'. Peter's for his trouble recieving one of Harrisons looks. The Captain seeing the Pvt of a sudden looking as busy as one could while locked in a shock-frame. Drawing chuckles from those around him. Mark repressed a sigh of relief as he felt some of the tension in his muscles ease along with the building tension in the compartment. Another shudder ran through the AAC interrupting conversation, the sound reverberating through all compartments as the tube sled grappled onto launching mounts of the shuttles hull. The marines quietened a moment later as announcement came over the comm. Informing the troops we would launch in two minutes, spoken with the artificial voice commonly known as “Miss or Mrs Manners” as there was some debate among Navy and Marine personal whether our resident AI was married. There was a moment of marines shifting around in frames trying to get settled then motion seemed to still for a time, then with a sharp jolt the mag sled shot forth with incredible speed. Perta felt the F-suit he wore under his armour mould to his skin as it acclimatized to the heavy G-forces. Mark looked back into the visor vid-feed window catching a blur of blue from the launch tube walls from theexternal camera, Followed by darkness spangled with bright dots looking as if linked with invisible lines like some old earth child’s scrap book of puzzles. The AAC wings unfolded from the vertical idle configuration in preparation for atmospheric flight. The main ion drive began to kick in with a whine, abruptly changing to a subliminal roar leaving a wake of glowing ionized particles. Would love to hear your opinions. Thanks |
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fobe
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Sci-fi scene I wrote
replied on: 3/6/2006 4:13:37 PM could do with some healthy paragraphing, but otherwise i think it's pretty good. I liked the humour btw 
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Rune*
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Sci-fi scene I wrote
replied on: 3/6/2006 5:14:28 PM Would have to agree with previous comment. This needs splitting into smaller scenes. Is kinda confusing to following 
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