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TheAntiThinker
teh ppe?
This message was updated on 1/19/2004 7:26:13 PM by TheAntiThinker
| A Big Emotional End of Me.
posted on: 1/19/2004 7:15:38 PM
IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO READ THIS, DO NOT BITCH ABOUT NOT READING IT, OR REPLY SAYING 'IT WAS TOO BIG OF A READ'
I am giving up on my life.
I am sick of my life being so damned depressing, so fucking wasted. Who the fuck am I?
Shawn Langhans, that stoner next door, poor grades, poor looks, nobody really cares. His parents are always pissed at him, his real father at the teeter totter of life and death, his life gone. So who the fuck am I?!
So, before somebody goes off and pissing themselves over me being depressed, I will get to the fucking point.
I am sick of always being depressed, and now I decided I want to be happy. I want to live a normal life, that everybody wants.
But the more I look into it, I fear its impossible. I have killed my brain with weed and shrooms, and my GPA is probably fucked for the next four years of my life (4 D's, a C, and a F), so why should I try for college. I AM FUCKED .
I want to live happy.
I want so much, but I have failed so much more. These tears on my face show nothing more than my incompetence, my ignorance! How can I expect a good life, when the first 15 years have been horrid. HOW THE FUCK CAN I BECOME WHAT I WANT TO BE, WHEN ALREADY I AM FACED WITH THE EVERYTHING THAT I DONT WANT.
Do I become antisocial, a nerd who spends day in and day out to school. Do I stop going on the internet, or phone, to do homework and science stuff? Should I give up my disaster of a life, for a happy life that is going to take that much more to get to!?
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!?
Shit, I am 14 and I am going through a midlife crisis... Thats not good news.
I need an answer, and if I dont get one quick I am going to be very rational about my upcoming decisions. |
BLauritson
Death Lord
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 4:59:36 AM
End it if you really can't stand it that much. Or you can do what I do and just beat yourself up. That's always fun for me.
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Darkbeat
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 6:58:22 AM
Shawn you have to much lo live for! 14 years of bad doesnt mean the rest of your life is going to be shit. Your one of the funniest guys i know, and as far as i know comedians dont need qualifications to make people laugh.
so go outside, get something made of wood and smash it with a sledgehammer, then burn it. trust the DB. you will feel a hellova lot better.
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TheAntiThinker
teh ppe?
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 8:14:21 AM
I want to be that! Even with the cheesy photoedited look!
No double chin however, but hey, nobodys perfect.
Well, in response to you two:
BL: No, I have been beating myself up for 14 years... Wanna see the bruises?
DB: I trusted you, and I went out to smash a peice of wood... But it did nothing for me, so I tried again and again, and now I have no house... Or no little brother...
Accidents happen.
But yeah, I decided I want to be a Executive CEO Recruiter. Now there's a money making job! Or a Lawyer, who makes 400 dollars an hour! Yes! A Lawyer! Or a Big Bank owner in New York... Or a Crooked Cop, or a mob boss! Christ, maybe I should become a terrorist, put the FBI's most wanted list on a run for its money! Maybe I should do this or that.
Hell, first things first, I gotta stop smoking and work on my grades.
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Channi
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 9:52:02 AM
ppe if your 14 your probably not in highschool so getting bad grades wont affect you much...and if you are in highschool you always can attended a couple classes at the community college...
if you work hard you can do it...
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Kwama King
that one guy...
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 10:27:28 AM
*hands ppe 22*
just dont tell rapheki... he might be pretty upset with this..
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Kwama King
that one guy...
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 11:07:46 AM
btw, i made 3 F's this semester..
doesnt look like i'll be getting much of a scholorship..
my only problem is the fuck head teachers.....
but ooooh well.. 
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TheAntiThinker
teh ppe?
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 11:15:10 AM
Bah, I am in Highschool, and I dont know...
I dont know...
Christ I really dont. Not to mention I am shaken up by Cabin Fever, everything just caved in on me with the announcement of a close persons death... Humbug... Somebody get me some vodka and lemon.
Shit.
I dont want to be a struggling mother 
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Kwama King
that one guy...
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 11:21:44 AM
i could go for some vodka with lemonade right about now..
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Unforgiven
GOD
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 11:37:03 AM
struggling mother? wtf...I thought you were a dude.
Anyway, I've been through it all dude, I was there, down that road. 14, smoking weed everyday, doing acid, speed, by 16 I was addicted to cocaine, getting fucked up every single day wasn't a question, it was given. I failed hard my first 2 years of high school. My gpa was like 1.5 at the end of my sophomore year. Then I once night, I thought I'd end it all. I ended up swinging from a rope in my basement. Let me tell you, dying hurts alot. It isn't the way out. I woke up like 2 hours later on the floor, the rope had broken just above the knot and it had come undone which saved my life. I never once looked back. I shaped up, brought my grades up, put down the pipe and left those friends behind. I graduated highschool with a 3.2 GPA and went on to college to become a mortician. I've since decided that isn't what I want. I guess the point is that I've been in your shoes, a fat ugly nothing anonymous in a crowd. No one liked me, I thought doing drugs would change that, but liking yourself is more important than other people. I'm still fat and ugly, but at least I'm not all depressed about it. Life throws you shit, you just need to learn to suck it up and try to make it through. No life is perfect, nothing is all roses...so yes, you need to realize that if you don't fix things, you WILL end up flipping burgers for minimum wage, no one but you will change that, and you can't change that if you sit around all depressed.
I don't recomend you try suicide, but you've already taken the first step to fixing yourself without suicide I see. You've realized you have a problem. All that remains now is fixing the problem. Spend less time getting high and more time doing your school work, because that is important. You're a freshman, you can still pull your grades up and finish well in High School. Find something you really enjoy doing and concentrate on that first, especially if it's something your good at. It'll make you happier and boost your self esteem. But I'll shut up now. Just remember that you aren't alone and if you need any advice ask me, because I've been there.
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Kwama King
that one guy...
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 12:22:56 PM
ive never done drugs...... and my life kind of reminds me of PPE's...
and i dont want to comit suicide or do drugs!
well.. maybe alcohol.. but hey..who can resist?
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Unforgiven
GOD
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 12:28:49 PM
oh..and remember, the entire point of being a teenager is to be shat on. Daily and mightily, you'll get used to it.
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Kwama King
that one guy...
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 1:12:12 PM
waaaaaaaaaay ahead of you..
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TheAntiThinker
teh ppe?
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 1:18:38 PM
I have attempted Suicide three times, I was caught once, of those three. But thats something I'd rather not get into...
My father is dying becuase of an anerysim caused from his crack addiction, but I dont want to talk about that.
I am not addicted to anything, because if I was, I would be doing it right now, but I really dont want to get into it as well.
I am working on a nEW PPE, a reall life new PPE, and I am making sure I dont fail... There are two windows open to me right now... so which one do I steal the pie from...
Chocolate or Apple... Mmmm, pie.
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Kwama King
that one guy...
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 1:28:16 PM
umm no, cherry or caramel..
now theres a hard descision..
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Arch
MUSICIAN
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A Big Emotional End of Me.
replied on: 1/20/2004 1:40:24 PM
1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.
2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.
3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.
4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.
5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.
6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.
7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.
8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brains.
9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?
10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.
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