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| Green@soft.apple Quote | Reply | | "How could you?!" posted on: 8/1/2005 10:10:08 AM Hihi^^ eto... I actually just wanna post up this poem I just found that me and my friend have written a year ago and GUESS WHAT?! We've actually written a poem that fits the question Sasha asked of Aidan and the the title's: ~How COuld you. How could the one I give my heart to, Break my heart so badly; How could the one who makes me happy, Makes me feel so sad; How could the one I need so much, Leaves me like a poor little soul. Somebody please tell me, So I can understand; If you love me, How could you hurt me like that; How could the one I shared my dreams with, Take my dreams away; How could the one I've been so true to, Just tell me lies; Won't somebody tell me why? How could the one I give my world to, Blow them away like a feather; Oh, please tell me... How could you be so cruel, When I gave you my everything; All my love! How could you just walk me out? Do you love me no more or never before; I thought we had forever, I can't understand, If you love me, How could you... ~ this poem is basiclly not from my feelings but from a friend whom I merely help with putting it into words and I've modified it abit to fit with Xandra-chan's character who is Sasha... So there^^ A gift to you Xandra-chan for merely showing such talent and give me the enjoyment of able to read such a wonderful fic which is rare,ne? Giggles. May you be happy with this poem and if her reviewrs and fans wouldn't mind. They could give any suggestion as they wish and even tips to help improve my style in poems. so hehe I Xandra'chan would be happy and so will the others whom are willing to read this poem^^ |
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LYK
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"How could you?!"
replied on: 8/2/2005 12:06:53 AM Ooh, poem! Welcome to the forum, by the way! ^_^ Let's see... <i>How could the one I give my heart to, Break my heart so badly; How could the one who makes me happy, Makes me feel so sad; How could the one I need so much, Leaves me like a poor little soul.</i> That's good, but on the fourth line, "makes" should be "make", and on the sixth line, "leaves" should by "leave." <i>Do you love me no more or never before;</i> This line sounds awkward...perhaps rephrasing it would make it flow better. Overall, it's a lovely poem. 
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Green@soft.apple
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sound better?
replied on: 9/30/2005 12:53:49 PM Ola medmosielle, hehe Thank you on your comment. Hmm well, It really was a last minute change nad yeah, it sounds kinda funny... Hmm how 'bout: How could you be so cruel, When I gave you my everything; All my love! How could you just walk me out? Don't you love me anymore, Or is your heart never been mine from the beggining? I thought we had forever, I can't understand, If you love me, How could you... Sounds better? hmm... I tried to cut is short so now we got a longer one. hehe. Thank you for your comment LYK. I'm really happy some one replied^^ Cherrio... |
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